HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!!!

I am broke and I need drug money!!!! Ahhh!!! What to do!!
HEHE!!
Today was a great day....Everything is back to the way it should be.
I am excited cuz tomorrow is Squash Day!!
We didn't make cards but it is still all good!!!
Mayb I will make some right now!!!
YEA!!!!

~I Am~

I am a worthwhile person.
I am entitled to be who I am.
If you can't accept me as I am,
Then you are not worthy
To be a part of my life
To ignore or reject who I am
Is your loss.
I deserve uncompromised devotion.
Anything less is unacceptable.
If you can't view me
As the treasure, the prize
That I am,
Then forget it--
I am worth more than that.
There will be others
Who will recognize
The worthiness of who I am.
I am who I am
And I am a worthwhile person.

~IN MY SHYNESS~

In my shyness . . .
At times I retreat to my "shell,"
Clinging to the security of being alone.

In my shyness . . .
I may attempt to merge with my surroundings--
To be ignored, unnoticed, a silent voice rarely heard.

In my shyness . . .
I can feel completely alone,
Although surrounded by people.

In my shyness . . .
I'm perceived as having a padlocked soul--
And few try to gain entry into my realm.

In my shyness . . .
Few will dare venture to really know me--
To hear my quiet voice or to really try to understand.

In my shyness . . .
I can have a myriad of words to say,
Yet, my sealed lips will not release them.

In my shyness . . .
The words I do speak will at times be jumbled,
And I'll feel worse for having spoken them.

In my shyness . . .
I will be viewed as "stuck up" and unfriendly,
Labeled by the presumption of a troubled past.

Yet, despite my shyness . . .
I will at times emerge from my "shell,"
And you may catch a glimpse of who I am.

And despite my shyness . . .
I may put on a good "front,"
Disguising my innermost insecurities.

Despite my shyness . . .
A select few will manage to penetrate these "walls,"
With the sharing of time and the evolving of trust.

My shyness . . .
Frequently unrecognized, seldom understood--
A shackle, a haven, a veil.

Math makes me HappY!!

NEVER TALKING AGAIN!!
SOLVES ALL MY PROBLEMS!!
WHATEVER YOU DO, DON'T ASK ME WHATS WRONG....
CUZ I WON'T ANSWER!!

ALL BETTER!!!

My life is pointless.
I decided this during hip hop today.
What is the point?
We come in this world but then we leave, the middle is just a game.
A game that I don't think I want to play.
My feelings get hurt left and right.
That doesn't matter though.
No one cares anymore.
They just say they do to make you feel better.
I learned today that being by myself is the best way to go.
Sitting there like a loser today was interesting.
I got to think a lot about things that make me wanna explode.
Everyone laughing around having a grand ol' time and then me.
Boring ol' me. No one bothers to talk to be, which somehow made me happy.
But they do talk but I don't want to respond cuz everything is just so upsetting.
I over react on things, maybe that is why no one likes me.
I'm sorry that I am me.
I always just get in everyones way.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.

Reflection

I am looking in a mirror,
but all I can see is me,
trying to be
what I want to be
instead of what I really am.

I'm a SOUL MAN!!!
My day started out great and then continued that way for the first time in like ages.
There are a few things I would have changed but then it would have been great great.
I think I'm good with just great for now.
There is always tomorrow...or is there?

~What day of the week is it or do I have to wait till gym to find that out?~

Unhappiness

Some nights I stay up late and cry,
Other times I feel as if I could die!
In my life I feel not loved,
I always get kicked around or shoved.
But why should I be happy?
How can I be if I'm treated so crappy?
Every day seems like a battle.
I get thrown around like a baby's rattle.
Sometimes everything can be so scary.
Why can't I just be happy and merry?
For all my faults, I am to blame.
I am the one to take all the shame.

To My Friends


Always there,
They always care.
Times taken for granted,
Now remembered.
The short times now cherished.

You never know,
How much they mean,
Till you think of the times you’ve spent

All of the good times,
And the bad.
Sorry there had to be bad.
You must know I miss you more,
More than my own blood.

Things we have done,
Places we have gone,
All in fun.
Now a reminder,
Of the times we spent.

I don’t know if you will ever know,
The way that I feel,
But you must know.
I love you so.
My Friends

DA BEARS WIN!!!!!! 24-16!!!

Man...This weekend did not compare to last weekend. I did absolutely nothing interesting. Err... Life is a bore. But hopefully next weekend will be fun....With Halloween all!!! I hope to god that I get to go to Indiana next weekend.... I miss you guys and can't wait to see you all!!!! Well I gotta go... DA BEARS are on!!!

HA!!! I love curly hair too!!! *Juicy Juice* HAHA!!! WoOOOAAAaa!!!

Me?

I look in the mirror and I see,
A person who never stops crying
A person that is not me
A person that hurts
A person in pain
A person who lost it
A person who is insane
A person that worries
All day and all night
A person who is scared
A person in fright
A person I don't like
A person I don't want to be
A person who knows -
You will never love me.

Hey Everyone! Yesterday was some fun times. I went to the game with Krista, Dima, and Lola. We watched the game and it was very exciting. But there was no Bobby!!! HAHA!! They never put him in even though it was Senior night. We still have the playoffs though. We are undefeated!!! (still!!) It was a scary game last night. We were ahead 14-0 but then the other team scored a few times and by the half they were in the lead 21-14. But by the time marching band was to perform it started pouring and they didn't perform. I went with Lea, Ashley, and Kristen to Lea's car and we listened to the game on the radio. I was so upset cuz when the rain finally stopped I wanted to go back and watch my men but no one wanted to go with me. I finally just went by myself but later Ashley came and we watched the rest of the game. Lola called me and where we were suppose to meet everyone AFTER the game....everyone was there already. Since the band didn't perform they got to go early. So we all hurried to the pizza place to see everyone. It was cool cuz when we got there we brought the good news with us and everyone was excited!!! It was some good partying there!!! I wish that football would never end so we could do this every week. It's our tradition....following the band around basically!!! (Marching Band Wannabes) HA RIGHTTTT!!!!

MARLINS WIN THE WORLD SERIES!!!!!

I'm so excitieD!!!!!! Football game is tonight and everyone knows how much I love my men!! LOL "Men in tight pants!!" Anyways... after the game i think that we will be going out for pizza!! I hope to god that
i have money. I hate this, the place where i wanted to work has opened and they never called me. I am going to cry. No.. no I won't I can do it!!! HAHA!!! RIGHT!!!
It's raining right now and I hope it stops because no one will wanna go with me if it is raining!!
It's rainin' men!!! HAHA!!!
I can't believe that this is the first season since 1989 that we have gone undefeated!!! *KNOCK ON WOOD* I hope that we win state!! That would be the coolest!!! YeaH...okay no one cares...except me!!! I am gonna go do something to pass the time....what...i really don't know.....my life is so boring... I AM a Loser (w/ Dima of course!!)

A Friendly Smile

Everything's gone wrong today;
No one reacts to anything you say.
No matter how much you scream and cry,
the world seems to be passing you by.
No one seems to notice or care,
that you're trying to be heard over your despair.
But on one face a smile shines through,
a smile that knows and cares about you,
a smile with love to lend,
on a face you recognize as a friend!

"I say a Hip hop...."
What is my life coming to?
Today was the blood drive...so I go in there and go through all the paper work and interview and then they place me on this bed. I am a little better now and think that everything will be okay. They stick the needle in my arm and I took it well. Then the guy calls someone else oand she is moving the needle aroung in my arm. I am dying at this point. then I hear them talking and he comes up to me and starts taking off all the bandages and then the needle. I am like "WHAT!!!???" He said tat my vein is not big enough...so I couldn't give blood..errrr I was so mad. I still got the cool pants. They made me happy. I highly doubt that I will evergive blood. Maybe I have some kind of disease that somedoesn't want me to find out about. That is why I can't give blood.
It's Thursday!!!! Everything good is on TV tonight....why I am not watching it....i dunno.... I wanted to tell you about my horrible life. It's the "Hurst Curse" I'm telling ya!!!!

If Tomorrow Never Comes

If I knew it would be the last time
that I'd see you fall asleep,
I would tuck you in more tightly
and pray the Lord, your soul to keep.
If I knew it would be the last time
that I see you walk out the door,
I would give you a hug and kiss
and call you back for one more.
If I knew it would be the last time
I'd hear your voice lifted up in praise,
I would videotape each action and word,
so I could play them back day after day.
If I knew it would be the last time,
I could spare an extra minute or two
to stop and say, "I love you,"
instead of assuming you would KNOW I do.
If I knew it would be the last time
I would be there to share your day,
well I’m sure you’ll have so many more,
so I can let just this one slip away.
For surely there’s always tomorrow
to make up for an oversight,
and we always get a second chance
to make everything right.
There will always be another day
to say our "I love you's",
And certainly there's another chance
to say our "Anything I can do`s?"
But just in case I might be wrong,
and today is all I get,
I'd like to say how much I love you
and I hope we never forget,
Tomorrow is not promised to anyone,
young or old alike,
And today may be the last chance
you get to hold your loved one tight.
So if you're waiting for tomorrow,
why not do it today?
For if tomorrow never comes,
you'll surely regret the day,
That you didn't take that extra time
for a smile, a hug, or a kiss
and you were too busy to grant someone,
what turned out to be their one last wish.
So hold your loved ones close today,
whisper in their ear,
Tell them how much you love them
and that you'll always hold them dear,
Take time to say, "I'm sorry," "please forgive me,"
"thank you" or "it's okay".
And if tomorrow never comes,
you'll have no regrets about today.

~There is no one on any more. No one loves me!! HAHA!! The world is slowly dying on me. What am I to do?
~Everyone.....Wednesday we are all going to McDonald's after school. It'll be a party!! *WOOP*WOOP*!!!
~Cheeseburger!!
~What do you call 47 guys sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?!
~The Chicago Bears!! HAHA!!
~I am so random...this is fun....since no one is on....everyone is working nowadays...leaving me all by my lonesome.
~Blood Drive!!!! Ahhh.....I am so scared.....at 8 o'clock.....be praying for me!!!
~No one ever reads this....I know it!!
~Homework.....ED.....Dinner.......Homework....Sleep....(can't wait for the last part...so tired)

Hugs

It's wondrous what a hug can do
A hug can cheer you when you're blue
A hug can say "I love you so"
Or "Gee, I hate to see you go"
A hug is "welcome back again!"
And "great to see you" or "where've you been"
A hug can sooth a small child's pain
and bring a rainbow after rain
The hug! There's no doubt about it
We scarcely could survive without it
A hug delights and warms and charms;
It must be why God gave us arms
Hugs are great for fathers and mothers
Sweet for sisters, swell for brothers
And chances are some are favorite aunts
Love them more than potted plants
Kittens crave them, Puppies love them
Heads of state are not above them
A hug can break the language barrier
and make the dullest day seem merrier
No need to fret about the store of 'em
The more you give, the more there are of 'em
So stretch those arms without delay
and give someone a hug today.

Why do I do this to myself?
Why can't I just be happy?
I wish that things didn't get to me like that.
I feel so bad that others around me have to watch me do this to myself.
I am sorry.
Tomorrow will be better for me....hopefully.
I just hate being on the sidelines of own life.
Why can't something good happen for once in my life?

Live and Be Happy

~Watch a sunrise at least once a year
~Look people in the eye
~Sing in the shower
~Be forgiving of yourself and others
~Never give up on anybody, miracles happen everyday
~Surprise loved ones with little unexpected gifts
~Make the best of bad situations
~Admit your mistakes
~Slow dance
~Remember that the most important thing is trust
~Make it a habit to do nice things for people who'll never find out
~Think big thoughts, but relish small pleasures
~Never cheat
~Smile a lot
~Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all they have
~Strive for excellence, not perfection
~Be kinder than necessary
~Never take action when you're angry
~Be romantic
~When someone hugs you, let them be first to let go
~Seek out the good in people
~Look at the stars
~Judge your success by the degree that you're enjoying peace, health and love
~Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them
~Laugh a lot
~Love deeply and passionately
~Eat meals with your family
~Be the first to forgive
~Don't let Weeds grow around your dreams
~Live and Be Happy

Guys I got my haircut!!!! AHHH!! It is way too short for me....I look horrible and I don't think that I can go to school tomorrow. This is horrible. Anyways I decided that I am going to try and put a poem up each day. I just love all these poems and maybe one of them will relate to your life and you will like them.

Slow Dance

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round
Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground?
Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight
Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?
You better slow down don’t dance so fast Time is short
The music won't last
Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask, "How are you?" do you hear the reply?
When the day is done, do you lie in your bed
With the next hundred chores running through your head?
You'd better slow down don’t dance so fast Time is short
The music won't last
Ever told your child, We'll do it tomorrow
And in your haste, not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die
'Cause you never had time to call and say "Hi"?
You'd better slow down don’t dance so fast Time is short
The music won't last
When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift.... Thrown away...
Life is not a race. Do take it slower
Hear the music before the song is over. –

Guys I really HATE my life....I typed this whole thing about my weekend on here and then my computer loses it....I am about to lose it right now. My head is going to explode!!!!!!!!!!! I was so happy with it too and now it is just gone. I spent good time on it. In fact I type it twice and both times it lost it. I copyed it but then it just is gone. I don't know what to do... I am going to cry. This always happens to me.... AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! SRY I AM JUST SOOOOOO F***ING MAD!!! WOW I am getting carried away. Maybe I should just step away from the keyboard.

Th Cubbies lost yesterday...but I am glad that they got this far... Congrats to the Cubbies!!! Anyways, my day was going out good and I thought everything was okay, but then I read something, and I am back at the beginning. I don't know what to do anymore. I decided that it is over and I can't go any futher. People say no, but I think that it would be best for all of us, right? Tomorrow is going to be so exciting...I am giving flowers to everyone for "Swedish Day"!!! I hope that tomorrow will be okay....I thought today was but I was really wrong. I am sorry to you...I really am.....when did this get way out of hand? I know how you feel, you are not alone, but I am just giving up on this whole thing. It's kinda dumb any way. Our friendship is more important...I really hope you feel the same.

Omg...sorry I keep jumping from one topic to the next then back!! HEHE!! Anyways, I finally got my homecoming pictures back and I wish you could put picks on this stupid thing... Oh well, if I don't see you and you want some, I can email them to you. Just ask!!

The Cubbies are on tonight @ 7:20!!! I hope to God they win..cuz if they don't I will have to face Aaron tomorrow!! AHHH!! JK!! Well if they do win tonight then they go on to the world series!! I hope that they play the Red Sox but they might play the Yankees. Enough blabbing about baseball, I have to go finish my homework...well I haven't really started it yet..HAHA!! Bye!!

~Life has been better, but I have to go on with my life~

Thanks Dima for making my day with ur cool notes!! We are losers together...HEHE!!!

Hey!!! I am making one of these blog things...it is gonna be so cool. I don't know how to do many things with it so, if you have any ideas please tell me. Hopefully I will be able to keep you updated with my life everyday....but if not too bad..LOL!!!