GOD.

Why the hell* do I even try?

oh yeah.

b/c I care.

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately about my life and what the point of it is. And I figured out that there is no point, I lead a pointless life. I thought about if anyone really cared about me, and the answer was no. Of course not, why would anyone care about me? I am not good enough to do anything, at least in other people's eyes. I thought that my life was getting somewhere, compared to freshman and sophomore year. But now I have nothing, again. I just go around in circles, people only care about you for a short period of time, then just disappear. I mean, I care about people, but no one cares what I think.

So what is the point?

I think I know the answer.

...

I don't know who is mad at mad anymore. It was just something that needed to be said, that's it. But now it has blown out of proportion. Things always seem to end up like that. I know people always blame PMS on their actions, but I did over react because of that. I am sorry that I get like that sometimes, it's like I can't control myself. I don't what to do with my life anymore. Summer is suppose to be a time when you can relax, but so far I have been more depressed and stressed then the whole school year.

This might sound stupid, but it is what I think...and well I am stupid, so it all works out. If I was to have my own car, not the parents, I would not care if I had to drive people around. In fact, I would do it more. Cuz if I had my own car, then I wouldn't have to stick to all these rules my parents had. Well, I probably would have rules to follow, but it would be my car and I wouldn't have to listen to them. I am just saying that if I get my own car, I would practically live in it, and wouldn't mind how much gas was in the tank or how far we had to go or even where we were going. So I pray I get my own car soon. But for the time being, I hope that we all can work something out.

From my cousin:

There's a 1st grade teacher who's tellin her class about how she is a Chicago White Sox fan, and she asked the class 2 raise their hands if they are Sox fans also. Since they were only 1st graders and didnt really no the difference, they all raised their hands...except for one. the teacher asks her y she wanted to be different from the class and she says 'because im proud to be a cubs fan.' the teacher says 'well y are u a cubs fan?' the little girl says 'well my dad is a cubs fan and so is my mom, so i am.' the teacher starts to get mad, she says 'wel if u'r dad was a moron and u'r mom was a moron, what would u be?' the little girl smiled and said 'a sox fan'.

@ U.S. Cellular Field (white sox):

CUBS: 1
SOXS: 2

but who's counting??

there's always next week.

What a long week. It brings me back to my freshman year summer, when I had no friends to hang out with and stayed home all summer. It is kinda like that, really crappy. I should call people up, but you know me. Tomorrow should be fun...getting out to see some old faces. Thanks Mike for inviting me the day before. Now I have to go shopping tomorrow afternoon, but now that I think about it, I probably would have done the same if I was asked three weeks prior. I am such a slacker. But today I applyed at Jewel, so by the end of the week, I hope to have a job! I bet Jewel will even shoot me down. What is up with the career world, it hates me.

Thursday = un-boring day. Susan and I declared it!

I hate breaks. They always turn on me and I have the worst times. Then I wait for school to start just so I have something to do. It's only two...two months. Argh....I need to get out of this place and fast. I need something exciting in my life. I hope that those people from that place call me back so I get a job to keep me busy. I can't talk about it cuz I will jynx my chances...so shhh.

I guess I can blame the boringness of this summer on either the weather, which it is starting to rain right now, or the fact that it is only the first two days of it and I have the ACT test tomorrow. I think after that is over, I will be able to relax so much more. So yes, after 12?, I will declare the start of summer!!!! Wow, now I am excited. I hate studying for that thing too...I mean what can you study really, so just have to be plain smart to do well...and I am not plain smart...so I am taking it I will not do well...again. But hey...there has to be some school that will take me...right!!???!! Argh.

OMG!! My parents just called and said that they found a car for me. But we are turning in my mom's old one, but since she hasn't found another one yet, she will be using that one...but it is actually called mine!! All I have to do is get a job, and FAST!! That's easy, just apply at Jewel, right?? It is a Grand AM...every other car in the school parking lot is a Grand AM, but as of now, I don't care...it is a car!! I am excited!!!

OO..today my family and me went out to eat at Cheeseburger in Paradise and you all must go there...it sooo good. And you feel like your at the beach when you are inside...Make that one of the places you have to go over the summer!!

Have to finish studying!!

Good Luck on Finals!!

Yearbook Party tonight...go...

It was Prior's first game back!! He did an amazing job. I am so happy, but they lost because of the closer pitcher...argh him.

We have a bright future ahead thought...I hope anyways.

Congratulations! Now get out. Ha, jk. We are officially the head of the school!! Woo. That was the longest thing I ever had to sit through. But it was touching. It is so sad that all these young people are dying. They are always the good kids too. What is up with that? Can someone explain that one to me, cuz I just don't get it.

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'll shine up my old brown shoes
Put on a brand new shirt
Get home early from work
If you say that you love me
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'll shine up my old brown shoes
Put on a brand new shirt
Get home early from work
If you say that you love me
Didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'
Feeling all alone without a friend you know you feel like dying
Oh, didn't I, didn't I, didn't I see you cryin'

I want you to want me
I need you to need me
I'd love you to love me
I'm beggin' you to beg me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me
I want you to want me

I went joyriding today after my "chem group planning session", and it was so much fun. The sun was setting, I had no clue where I was going, and there were trees all around. I felt like I was in some kind of forest. I need to do that more often, cuz it really cleared my mind up the half hour I was out. I also felt as if I was stalking someone, it was fun. Driving pointlessly is added to my list of favorite things. The one sad thing was all those 2004 graduate signs. We are one step closer to the real world and I am freaking out. What to do!?! Oh man, I was invited to the Senior Commemorative thing tomorrow, but I don't know if I should go. Probably not, since I don't really know any seniors. And I also have all these projects to do. Argh. I am going to the Yearbook Signing Party on Friday though...that is a must.

6 MORE DAYS!

*HUG ME*

RIGHT NOW, I AM IN CAPS MODE.